Master Procrastinator

Hi, my name is Heather, and I'm the world's biggest procrastinator. Not sure how, exactly, but I have miraculously managed to make it this far in my life, while continuously waiting until the very last minute to do ANYTHING. While I was in school, especially throughout college, I was able to ease the anxiety that my procrastination caused by telling myself that it was totally fine to wait until the last minute, because I worked sooo much better under pressure. I just needed to let my thoughts and ideas brew for a bit before I could spit out an A+ paper. There was some truth to this theory, but that truth probably became more realistic, because I literally had no other choice if I wanted to graduate, especially with the "A's" that my perfectionism-seeking-ass demanded.

About a week ago, while mindlessly scrolling through social media, I noticed that someone had shared a motivational quote that discussed how procrastination was actually the product of our underlying anxieties. I had never made that connection before, but as soon as I read that statement, I couldn't stop thinking about and analyzing a lot of my actions. The most interesting realization that I had, was learning that the trait that had undoubtably caused me avoidable anxiety, was actually comprised of other anxieties... it unfortunately seems like my life is a revolving door of anxious behaviors.

Since reading that motivational quote, I had an experience where the true colors of my procrastination shined bright, and this experience involved a dentist appointment. As trivial as this sounds, I am 100% serious. Last week, I received a text from my dentist asking me to confirm my appointment for the following week. Great, cool, no problem...  [types] "YES," [presses send]. Shortly after confirming that appointment, I received a second text from my dentist asking me to confirm, yet, another appointment... which was now scheduled for the following day at a completely different time. Naturally, I was quite confused, but this is a problem that can easily be solved by making a quick phone call. But instead of acting like a normal, functioning adult, I chose to ignore the second text. I told myself that I would call them later, and guess who never called them later? For the next few days, that confusing second appointment lingered in the back of my mind, causing unnecessary minor anxiety, annoyance, and dread. After yours truly received ANOTHER text from the dentist office a day before my confirmed appointment, I decided it was probably a good idea to call them. So I called, and guess what? The problem was resolved in literally 30 seconds.

After thinking about this situation and the quote that I had just read, I started to try and determine why the task of making a simple phone call was so difficult. Seriously, it was like I half expected the office to suddenly start speaking Japanese, and I was going to have to bust out Google translate to communicate with them. Looking at realistic reasons behind this, however, I came to the conclusion that I procrastinated because I was convinced that this minor scheduling issue would turn into a much larger, complicated situation. I guess I had imagined a very unrealistic expectation of how this simple phone call was going to go, and I had convinced myself that I didn't have the time to deal with those "complications." This example may seem ridiculous, and I'm embarrassed to admit that this is something I do A LOT. I am, however, willing to bet that someone out there can relate to this ridiculousness.

Reverting back to the quote that inspired this post, it also mentioned that it is our responsibility to determine what our triggers are in these situations. After a bit of self-reflection, I figured out that the common trigger in the majority of the situations in which I procrastinate, seems to be fears of complication and lack of control.

• Procrastinate in school? 
• Duh, I can't start typing a paper before I have the whole thing written in my head. 
• Procrastinate making phone calls and scheduling appointments? 
• This basically translates to a guaranteed headache. Oh, and let's not forget how likely it is that I will suddenly forget how to form comprehensible sentences. 
• Procrastinate with projects.. and my blogposts? 
• Those great ideas that I have mapped out in my head? Yeah, I am most certainly going to forget ALL OF THEM the second that I try to bring them to light. 

To say that this reflection has encouraged me to turn over a new leaf and to stop procrastinating, is a tad overzealous. I mean, let's not get too carried away. Truthfully, I don't think that this is something I will ever completely stop doing. I do however, think that this new way of looking at my constant need to put everything off until "tomorrow," will force me to pay closer attention to the situations in which I procrastinate. The simple act of being more cognizant seems to be a good step in the right direction, and hopefully this will be help protect me from future self-annoyance. I sincerely hope that this post and a bit of self-reflection will help all of you who unfortunately fall vicim to this terrible quality as well!


xoxo